My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
