her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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