I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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