Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
