you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
