Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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