Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
