Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
