I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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