I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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