Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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