Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
