No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
