Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I still have a little drunk in my system
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
