Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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