Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
