What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
