Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
