im having a threesome with these popsicles
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
