just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Are we still banned from the library?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
