I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
