I cockslap morals
i just had sex bonerless
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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