When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
