we have officially lost it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
