so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
