just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
