and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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