remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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