Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
