Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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