i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
