so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
