come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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