I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
