i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
