I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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