I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
