I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
