you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
