Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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