i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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