He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I would fuck him just for his dog
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