Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
