1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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