i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
