My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
