After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
