I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
