omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
