Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Pants are for mortals
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
