somebody snuck up and got me drunk
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
