Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
