Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
