Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
