hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
