I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
