God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
