Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
