Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
