I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
