you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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