I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
