come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
