a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
