batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
one might say we're banned from that church
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
