it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
