So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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