i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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